The Bamboo Bonanza

Holy Name of Mary hard
at work

The whistle blew and off they went. Actually, it was a pretty pathetic whistle since one of the beads from my rosary got stuck inside the slot, but off they went anyway. The runners from each of the five groups made a mad dash across the gym for buckets full of dirt and whatever pieces of bamboo they could get their hands on. Meanwhile each team got busy cutting string and tying bamboo pieces, putting together the frame for what we become their bamboo hut. They would be judged not only by the style with which they built their bamboo hut but also the speed. Time was of the essence. Bamboo pieces clanged across the ground, designs succeeded and failed, runners complained about how tired they were, and the intensity only grew as the 20 minute time limit ticked down.

The Confederacy in the
beginning stages

Perhaps you’d be tempted to ask, “Why?” Why would CYFM be bringing bucket loads of dirt and bundles of bamboo into the gym?

It all started about a week ago…

We were beginning to plan for the God’s TYM Olympics and I was responsible for organizing one of the five challenges. It’s no secret that fun is not my specialty. Some people seem naturally inclined towards thinking up games, but my idea of fun usually involves some sort of grueling physical challenge like a 2.5 mile open water swim race or exploring a Catholic Church I’ve never been in before. So I decided to take a walk around the grounds and see if I could get any inspiration.

Hand made by yours truly

It’s also no secret (at least for those who know me) that I love to “putter.” When I was a kid, I thought there was nothing better than going back in the woodshop and puttering around, building little shelves and knick knacks and even a shrine for all my religious statues. So as I passed by the bamboo forest, I thought to myself, “Hmmmm…building stuff out of bamboo. That could be fun...” Thence ensued a week worth of adventures.

Pruning the thousands of
branching that grow on
bamboo...

The process of milling bamboo began that Saturday. I rode my bike down to CYFM, grabbed a pair of branch choppers from the shed and set to playing bamboo lumber jack for the day. And so I chopped and I chopped and I chopped. When I got home that evening, Katie asked me, "So Joe, how much bamboo are you going to need for this?" After testing the materials, I knew the exact amount: "A crap-ton Katie; a crap-ton."

Believe it or not, bamboo
sprouts smell terrible.

And so my week went on: chopping trees, cutting them into 6 foot sections, cutting off all the branches and then getting the hack saw out and notching a hole in the top, all the while rocking out to Bon Jovi.

On Thursday I decided to attack the forest behind the outdoor chapel. It seemed like a good idea at the time. The forest had taken over the once picturesque view of the river and I needed more bamboo, so it seemed like a win-win situation. Little did I know what awaited me in that jungle…

Preparing to joust with the forest

Full of zeal I charged the invading bamboo forest, only to be repelled by trees that (due to crowding) were growing horizontally. A new plan of attack was necessary. The front lines were guarded, so I tried to slip through the back. Cutting my way through vines and brush and thorns, I finally made it and cut down the front line at the roots. Thrilled at this initial victory, I trudged deeper into the forest. Alas, it was booby trapped. I put my foot on what seemed like a solid floor, but I was deceived. It was a three foot deep pile of dead bamboo and with a loud crack my foot sank down up to knees. I’ve no idea what critters’ habitat I disturbed and frankly, I choose not to think about it.

The forest was still to have its revenge. When I got back to the Red House, I noticed some red patches on my arms. They burned a little, so I decided to ask a second opinion from my housemates. “Hey guys, what does poison ivy look like?” 

I was immediately quarantined. 

Further investigation showed that my arms were just scraped up. Thus I learned that bamboo is rough and when you carry it in your arms all day, you’re going to feel it that night.

There's a resemblance, no?

Friday came. With CAM Orientation on Saturday and the God’s TYM Olympics on Sunday, this was my last chance to be sure everything was set and ready to go. It was a long, hard day, but by 7:00 that night, I had a pretty elaborate set up. I built a 12-15 foot tall archway with a cross on top entering the field. Past it were bamboo stakes marking each groups’ spot. Behind each stake were four pre-dug holes where each group could plant their vertical posts and go. Across the field was a whole bamboo lumber yard with 200 stalks of bamboo cut to size along with all sorts of leftover brush that was free for the taking. Truth be told, it looked a little like the cornucopia scene from The Hunger Games.

Then I checked the weather forecast. It was early Saturday morning, I was just heading out the door for the CAM Orientation bike ride to CYFM and I saw that there was a 100% chance of heavy thunderstorms at 3:00 on Sunday: right when the bamboo race was set to go off. The mission had changed drastically and I had T minus 30 hours to figure out how to make it work. All but ten were accounted for by CYFM events. Goodbye sleep...

All day my mind was bamboozled by the problem of the bamboo. "What to do, what to do? I have all this bamboo, but no way to make it freestanding....I was going to just stake it in the ground, but now I have no ground. The floor was literally pulled out from under me...Bamboo, bamboo everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Bamboo, bamboo everywhere and all the stalks did shrink...." 

Then it hit me. It was so simple, yet so profound. 

“FLOWER POTS!!!!”

Yes, flower pots.  I figured if I could fill 32 flower pots with dirt, then we could anchor the bamboo down in those and have the contest in the gym. And so at 2100 hours, I was on in mission in Walmart to find the cheapest flower pots I could find. This wasn’t an easy task, mind you, because there was no way I was asking for help. 
“Excuse me, sir, can I help you find something?” 
“Yeah, I’m looking for flower pots.” 
“What sort of flowers are you putting in the pot?” 
“None, thank you.” 
“What do you want them for?” 
“Ummm, building materials. Yeah, I’m using them as a structural foundation.” Wasn't going there.

Turns out flower pots are more expensive than you'd think, so I bought a bunch of paint buckets and figured I'd supplement with flower pots from the CYFM shed.

2300 hours: I had just finished blindly groping around the CYFM shed for flowers pots. Now for the dirty work: I had to fill up the buckets with dirt. I knew that Tom Brinkman would not be pleased if I dug a giant ditch in the middle of CYFM for visitors to admire and unsuspecting victims to fall into. I'd have to be subtle, my ditch would have to be hidden away in the woods. 

I tried to be brave, but the woods were dark. Very dark. Things rustled in the woods. What things I don't know, but I had no time and no desire to do battle with a hungry wolf just then. There was no way in heck I was filling up each one of these thirty flower pots one by one in the woods. I went back into the dark shed, found a trash can on wheels and dragged that with me so I could fill that up and speed up the process. And thus, digging my ditch by moonlight on the edge of the woods, I looked like I was trying to get rid of a body...

And so the day came, the whistle was blown and the teams went off. Within a few minutes, the Kretzels had the beginning of an elaborate teepee structure. Holy Name of Mary and St. Patrick’s were beginning a box frame. The Confederacy was too, but they hadn’t yet realized that the supports need to be tied together in order for it to work. St. John’s meanwhile appeared to be way behind and was calmly tying knots on the ground.

St. John's

The Kretzels

The 10 minute whistle blew marking the halfway point in the contest. Suddenly, St. John’s had a solid teepee frame and were quickly leaning up stalks of bamboo to form the walls. Within a minute, they were done. Not long after them the Kretzels finished too.

The Confederacy

The Confederacy meanwhile had abandoned their original design and had adopted the teepee approach. The only problem was that they didn’t have enough bamboo to fill out the walls. With a slight breach of the 7^th commandment, they were done.

St. Patrick's

St. Patrick’s was probably the most creative structure of the day. They had taken their box frame and used it to build two levels. Railed in the “basement” they were able to fit several kids. After overruling legal objections from Holy Name of Mary that the railings St. Patrick’s used did not constitute walls (they didn’t have to) they were done.

Holy Name of Mary

Last came Holy Name of Mary with the largest structure of the day. Their structure was more what I’d expected groups to do since that was how I built my own model. Holy Name of Mary built a 6’x6’x6’ structure with 3 solid walls and a roof that could fit a lot of people. They finished with 2 minutes to spare, having put a lot of work and care in their hut.

I don't understand...

Then the judging began. As I walked by St. John’s, I found them blowing bubbles and watching them land on the bamboo... "What are you guys doing?" "It's for added effect! Isn't it stylish?" I just shook my head…It must have had some effect because they were ranked 3^rd for style with a relatively simple structure. When the scores came out, the Confederacy came in 5^th for style, St. Patrick’s 4^th, St. John’s 3^rd, the Kretzels 2^nd and Holy Name of Mary 1^st. Thus in 20 minutes, a week long project was over.

It is true, fun is not usually my specialty. It takes a certain type of person to think that racing up mountains and searching for relics of obscure saints is a blast. But there's something about building stuff with your hands that has a certain more general appeal. Good work to all the teams! I hope you had fun. It was certainly fun to watch.