An Open Letter Part 5: You Are Free to Say No, But Would You Want To?

You’ve heard at this point that a religious vocation is rooted in a burning desire to give all for love of God. The particular expression of that varies. God will guide you through many twists and turns as He works to form you for His service. All you have to do is say yes to that, then brace yourself to go on an adventure because mark my words one is coming for you. Through those experiences (both trials and triumphs), He’ll point you in the direction He wants you to go. Just trust Him. It may look crazy, but He knows better than you do where you’ll thrive and be happy.

So now we come to the question: what if you say no? If a vocation was a destiny, no doubt this would come with catastrophic results. You can see what happens to people in ancient Greek mythology when they try to rebel against fate: fate chews them up and spits them out.

Fortunately we’re not pagans.

A family at prayer

Recall that a vocation is fundamentally a process of falling in love and trying to express that all consuming, burning love as best you can. If it’s truly to be love, your free will is a major factor. That means at any time in this discernment process you can say no and God will still love you, still work with you, still give you the grace necessary to walk with Him throughout your life. I’ve known guys who I’m pretty sure had the makings of a religious vocation, but for whatever reason didn’t pursue it. God is still working through them. Many of them have beautiful families now and are raising their children to know and love God. His grace is still at work.

That being said, be careful of your reason for saying no. Just as you want to be sure you say yes to a vocation out of love for God, you want to be sure that saying no to a vocation isn’t your way of running away from God. God needs your permission to work in your life and if you choose to run from Him, He can offer you all the graces in the world and you’ll never receive them because you’ve chosen not to. Don’t do that. There’s no reason to be afraid of God like that. Yes, He may ask for you to let some things go, but He only does so to bring you to a deeper, more abiding joy with Him. No matter how you decide to respond to His call, be sure to stay close to Him.

Mother Teresa with Christ's
little ones

So it’s true, you are free to say no to a religious vocation. The question is, would you want to? What you’re being called to is a beautiful way of life. Yes, of course that means leaving behind some things, but it means gaining so much more. You’re looking at a way of life that frees you to love God with an utterly undivided heart, to be His instrument of grace in the world, to witness His work every day in miracles big and small, and to carry His light into dark places. In following Him in such a special way, you get to know His love and His joy in a way many people may never know. In saying yes to His call, you get a privileged place from which you can witness His grace at work in souls and even be His instrument of it. You can say no to that, but why would you want to?

"This is my body."

My last bit of advice: don’t discern alone. You don’t have to be ready to sign on the dotted line before you talk to someone about the possibility of vocation. Remember, if that thought's occurred to you, only God could have put it there. A desire for religious life isn't natural, it's supernatural and so if that's there, God’s knocking at your heart in some way. Consequently, you don't want to ignore or try to blow it off: talk to someone. Talk to someone you trust, whether that's a priest, a nun or just a close friend. You're more than welcome to talk to me if you'd like; I'm happy to listen. For the next month my email is Joe@CYFM.org. Shoot me an email and we can find a time to chat.

Don't keep it bottled up inside you. The discernment process should be one that's full of joy; after all, it's all about falling in love with Christ, the source of joy itself. But the devil loves silence. He can twist those thoughts of a religious vocation and take what should be a gift and turn it into to a burden. Keep it to yourself and the discerning a religious vocation can become lonely, confusing, and seemingly unanswerable. This is Jesus Christ we’re dealing with; it doesn’t have to be like that at all. Talk to someone.

Know of my prayers for all of you who are discerning, those who I’ve nagged about it, those who I quietly suspect might have a vocation, those whose vocation I’ve yet to know of. May God grant you peace, clarity, and the singular joy that is His.

God bless,

Joe